A New Experience

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and in some cases babies!

Having a baby that needs special or intensive care can be one of the most stressful experiences a parent can have. It is perfectly normal and natural to feel overwhelmed at times by the stress of the situation, and feel confused with your feelings, but take heart. This is your baby, so learn to love and enjoy the wonder of birth. Remember your baby is unique!

How Can I Get Help?

All of the staff in the baby unit - Doctors, Nurses and Social Workers can be wonderful sources of support and are happy to answer your questions. NIMBA provide a range of support services that may be of assistance to your family in this new situation.

What are some of the common feelings of parents who have been in my situation?

Guilt - is a common reaction felt by parents of premature babies. It will be important for you to talk to the medical staff to find out if they know why your baby is premature or ill. In most cases, this will be due to something outside your control.

Fear - is also a common reaction, as feeling distress is a normal coping pattern. Many parents are afraid to talk about these feelings as they are concerned others will think they are not coping with the situation. Medical and Nursing staff, as well as other parents, are experienced and can reassure you that these feelings are natural.

Shock - this is feeling stunned or dazed. You may feel that your mind is totally preoccupied with the problems surrounding the birth of your baby. At this stage, it is often difficult to retain information, so ensure you ask the medical and nursing staff everything you wish to know.

Denial - you may find it hard to believe that this experience is actually happening. Many parents experience this and as the days pass, and you spend more time with your baby, the situation will become more real to you.

Sadness - is the natural result of feeling that you have not achieved the dream of a healthy full-term baby. Therefore it is a normal reaction, but if it becomes excessive, consult the medical staff for advice. However, everyone is different and you may need a longer or shorter period of time to come to terms with what has happened.

Anxiety - is once again a common reaction expressed by parents to the realisation of your situation and watching your new baby fight for life. Many parents have said that they feel extraordinary pressure, time seems both to slip away and yet remain frozen in place. The staff are always available to answer your questions which will help relieve some of your anxiety.

What can I do to help myself?

Other parents have said that the following tips have been of use in their situation.

Understanding your reactions so you know that what you are experiencing is normal. Talk to someone; your partner, family members, clergy, a doctor, nurse or another parent.

Seek information about your baby and his or her problems. Ask lots of questions and try to understand as much as possible about your baby.

Get involved in the care of your infant as much as possible.

Appreciate that having a premature, ill baby is likely to be one of the biggest life stresses that you have, or will encounter. Don't hesitate to get professional help or counselling if you feel that you might need it.

Ask for a weekly chat with the Consultant who is looking after your baby.

Have someone with you who will keep a "cool head" and help interpret and remember the information that the doctor may give you.

Make a list of questions - don't worry if you think they are daft.

Try and form a routine for visiting which can be difficult if there are older children at home. Rest as much as possible - you need it as you are going through an emotional time.

Visiting your baby can be exhausting due to the warmth of the Neonatal Unit.

Try and be patient, you child is in safe hands.